Boxing Day Blues

I’ve got those Boxing Day Blues,
Whilst my stomach reviews
All the food that I ate yesterday.
Did I really choose,
Such a vast range of booze?
My kidneys are melting away.

That one day of mirth,
Increases my girth,
Oh the food that now sits on my hips,
I’ll hope for rebirth,
and increased self-worth,
With a diet of gym memberships.

Christmas Day in the Dog House

Christmas day in the dog house!
His presents missed the spot
(By quite a massive margin),
In fact, he missed the lot.

He’d liked that kitchen bucket,
Green with yellow trim,
But she just stuck it on his head,
And said NO LUNCH to him.

And what about those Marigolds?
With reindeers down one side,
He said that they would save her hands,
But now he’s locked outside.

That leather size 8 mini skirt
Had caused his wife to curse.
When he suggested Slimming World
It seemed to make things worse.

That was all last Christmas,
When everything turned bad,
This year the man was hoping for the
Best Christmas he’d had..

He’d done some careful research,
Even asked her friend’s advice,
Saved up throughout the summer,
And planned for something nice.

Then the big day came at last,
And presents they exchanged,
He held his breath, and fearing death,
He promised that he’d changed.

“I never really thought about
Everything you do,
You keep our lives in order,
And I’m so in love with you

You are my real princess,
And the treasure in my life,
I am so very lucky just to
Have you as my wife”

He looked into her eyes and said,
“You are the gift I’d choose,
But also, Happy Christmas, and I’ve
Booked us on a cruise.

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